You've sheltered your sweet kid their whole life. But now they are old enough to know about the nastier side of reality; rape, murder, genocide; all those verses missing from their illustrated children's bibles. And they have access to the Internet, so they are going to find out sooner or later. It would be better if it came from you.
The bible you are looking for is The Awkward Moments Bible.
If my confirmation sponsor had given me this bible I might have been able to mix in a little humour with my horrified fascination.